The Court Jester

I am on my flight to Denver and I have time to think. I have figured out my purpose. I am the person everyone can depend on. The one that will always be there. The one that will drop whatever … Continue reading

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Spring Break done right

Today is the first day of Spring Break!  WAHOO!!!!!! Begonia is settled in for the week, Mom is home, and I am off. I leave for Colorado tomorrow, but I am driving down to San Diego today to spend some … Continue reading

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Mom is home!

After two months of being in a rehab facility my mom is finally home! She is thrilled and I am so happy for her! I helped her pack all of belongings (four bags full!) and waited for my dad to … Continue reading

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One is the loneliest number

I used to love that I could almost anything by myself. I felt empowered. I felt so strong. Now I just feel sad. I feel like a cliché. A middle-aged woman all by myself with a cat. I really want … Continue reading

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Daylight Savings is dumb

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And today’s post will be a multitude of random thoughts. 1. I am not a fan of daylight savings. I do not understand the point anymore. California is thinking of getting rid of it and I am proud of my … Continue reading

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The Bottle Tree Ranch

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My dad and I were supposed to go to Death Valley this weekend, but the plans fell through. I was very disappointed. I even cried. I wanted to spend the whole weekend in bed and I knew that would not … Continue reading

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State of mind today

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This is a post I have wanted to write for awhile. There are some feelings and ideas that have been bouncing around in my head. I have hesitated to share these feelings because I am always whining. Also I know … Continue reading

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I need to change that color!

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A few weeks ago I finally hung some stuff on my bedroom wall. I have only been in this house for eleven years and I finally got around to hanging stuff. The ballerina I have had forever. It has hung … Continue reading

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I’m exhausted

I am so tired.

So drained.

Losing hope that it will get better soon.

My mom is still in the  hospital. My dad is still a problem. My personal life is still DOA. 

I feel alone. I feel hopeless. 

I am running around doing everything and I keep trying to tell myself that I am doing the right thing. 

Things will get better.

Treat others and though you wish to be treated.

I try to live by that quote. 

So why am I always alone? Why am I always the one doing everything? Why do people depend on me and I have only me to depend on?

Yes I am whining. Yes I am feeling sorry for myself. 

And I do not feel bad. This is how I feel. 

I am justified.

I know nothing will change. Tomorrow will come and I will continue to live my life.

Alone. 

Don’t worry! I continue to say is all okay, because at the end of the day that is what people want to hear.

Fake it to you make it!

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Spectacular ending!

Tomorrow I have to go back to work. In a way I am very happy. I like my daily routine and feeling like I have accomplished something at the end of the day. I am not happy because my hectic … Continue reading

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